Letter I sent to Fox 9 news

I watched a news story last night on Fox 9 news, exposing underage drinking on the Gophers hockey team. It was so friggin stupid. I decided to write something to them, but I figured they were already getting a lot of hate mail. So, I decided to use a “kill them with kindness” approach. Here is what I came up with:

Dear Fox 9 News,

I would like to commend you on the great service that you have provided our community in your breaking news story from last night.

Up until your urgent breaking news story, I had no idea that underage college students actually thought they could get away with this filth, this DRINKING! Who do these college students think they are? Do they think that college is just some place where young people of comparable intelligence can gather together, learn life’s lessons, learn how to be independent and learn about themselves? I am sorry, but that view is absurd! To think that these college students are doing such unthinkable things makes me sick!

I am forever indebted to you for breaking this news story in such a timely manner. I even appreciate how you lead off your news cast with this story. How could we concentrate on pressing national and international affairs when this filth is happening on college campuses? In my opinion, until this problem of underage drinking is solved, all other news should stop. All of your resources should be focused on stopping underage drinking across the entire Twin Cities area.

I don’t know if it would be possible to stop underage drinking across the entire metro area, but one thing is for sure, I will be tuning in tonight to see what happens next…

Jeff Sauer
Roseville, MN

My friend Nick Schleder was also irked by the “news” story and offered this gem of an email to them as well:

The Gopher Hockey team drinking? And they’re… underage? You must be kidding!!! I don’t know who cracked the wide-open case on this one but I’m guessing they are at least 70 years of age. College drinking has been going on since academia began and it won’t stop. This isn’t news. Anyone who isn’t a fossil knows this. Please do society a favor and report on real news, like this… “I WENT TO THE BATHROOM THIS MORNING!!!” That is much more news-worthy.

About Jeff Sauer

I started blogging in the year 2000, and go in spurts of inspiration followed by long dormancy. I love writing, and your comments keep me going, so comment!

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Comments

  1. Jeff Sauer says:

    I debated writing this letter as a negative thing, but I decided that enough people would be doing the very same thing. So, I decided to write the letter more as a sarcastic piece. I hope they don’t think I was serious!

  2. this doesn’t happen on the badger hockey team! get your act together gophers!

  3. Kristi Sauer says:

    And what was their reply? Glad to see you have a comment box on here now, Jeffrey! 🙂

  4. what’s underage drinking?

  5. Al and Alma says:

    Why this is the sort of thing that could make Ward Cleaver turn over in his grave. I’m sick I tell you I’m just sick of this type of behavior. Thank God for those super sleuths at Fox 9 news

    Al and Alma

  6. I have yet to hear a response from Fox 9. Naturally, I will post it if they ever do respond!

  7. Just thought this goes along with the story.
    http://www.ihatefox9.com/