Poor Timing

I was almost fired 10 minutes ago.

Let me preface this story by saying that I am working on a retainer for a small marketing company with 4 employees. They are great guys, and I get along with them really well. One of the employees is my good friend Brandon, and he’s the one who helped me find this employment.

So I am doing contract work for this company, and one of my duties is to help build campaigns in a program called e.Piphany. It’s a very powerful program, but it’s entirely web based, so I often run into problems with the system. Sometimes it’s javascript issues. Sometimes I get “timed out”. Sometimes things just don’t work. It can be very frustrating!

It’s not just frustrating for me either. All of the other company employees have had frustrating moments as well; especially Brandon. I heard a horror story of how Brandon worked overnight to complete a task, only to find out that he had done it wrong. 10+ hours wasted.

Well, this morning I was working on e.Piphany and ran into some trouble. I had been working on the program for an hour straight and I got a javascript error, which lead to another javascript error. Followed by another javascript error. This continued on forever, and I couldn’t get out of the error! I hit refresh on my browser window, but that took me back to the login screen. I lost all of my progress!

Frustrated, I sent an instant message to Brandon saying “e.Piphany can lick my butt AND SUCK ON MY BALLS!”

I receive a response of “This is Dave”

At first I think that it was Brandon pretending to be Dave, who is the owner of the company that employs Brandon and myself, so I send back a message that says “WHOOPS!” followed by “LOL, and I’m Fired!”

He responds “That’s not funny” and “E.Piphany pays our bills… ”

This is when I “figuratively” shit my pants.

Next, I tried to backtrack and explain that I didn’t really hate the E.Piphany program (which I really don’t), I was just frustrated that I lost all of my progress.

I also tried to explain why I voiced my frustration the way that I did (talking about licking butts and sucking on balls).

I told him that it was an inside joke between Brandon and I (as well as lyrics from Team America World Police).

He responded “well what you two do in your free time is your business”.


So not only did I just publicly display my disappointment with a program we are using, but I also laced my frustration with homosexual undertones!

Although I was just joking and venting to Brandon, now my boss thinks two things:

  1. That I hate the program I am using, and I don’t like doing my job
  2. That I am not only gay, but gay with Brandon.

I AM NOT GAY WITH BRANDON! Now I’m not trying to discount Brandon’s attractiveness; he’s a swell looking guy! But I do want to iterate that there are not, and have never been any homosexual undertones between us. We’re merely two 24 year olds who are caught in age limboland.

You see, at times it’s surprisingly difficult for us to find a balance between being a career driven employee, and being a booze consuming, pop culture oriented person in their low 20’s!

It’s hard to find the balance between being professional and being a young adult. Something that is hilarious to friends of like age is taken as overt homosexuality by others.

Usually I do a great job of maintaining that balance. However, in this case, I failed.

Luckily, I was able to talk to Dave shortly after the incident, and he made a joke about it. He said “If you need me, I’m here to help… well, except for the butt and balls part”.

I’m pretty sure that there was no permanent damage to this incident, but you can never be sure.

I do know one thing, though, and that is that there is a time and a place for Team America, World Police, and it’s not in the workplace. Unless, of course, you are your own boss. Then you can talk about it all you want!

About Jeff Sauer

I started blogging in the year 2000, and go in spurts of inspiration followed by long dormancy. I love writing, and your comments keep me going, so comment!

Check out my Google Profile.


  1. Good times….Good times.

  2. umm…do you guys have something you want to share with me?