So long Molly Walsh

Within the next few days, my friend Molly Walsh will be leaving to go to medical school on an island called Dominica. She will be gone from the US for a long time, and I’m not sure when I’ll see her next. There was a going away party for her in Chicago last weekend, but I was unable to attend. So, I’m going to send Molly off in the only way I really know how: I am going to write about her.

For those of you who don’t know Molly, she’s a good friend of mine from college who came to the Twin Cities from Chicago and ended up moving back to Chicago after college. She’s a really smart and fun girl, and I’ve spent many a good time hanging out and partying with her both during and after the college experience. In addition to being smart and fun, Molly is also a little crazy. Not crazy in a “burning down her ex-boyfriend’s apartment complex” type of way, but rather “this girl is so much fun that it’s crazy”.

Molly would call me a “gaytard” if I wrote a story about her and acted all sappy, so I’m going to get sentimental in another way, by posting a list of my top 3 Molly Walsh stories.

3) Molly calls me a “gaytard” at my cousins wedding.

Jeff and Molly at Dave and Kim's wedding When I was a senior in college, I found myself dateless to my cousin Dave’s wedding. Rather than go solo, I decided to bring Molly Walsh. This may or may not have been a good decision.

It was good in the fact that I didn’t have to fly solo to yet another wedding (I don’t have a good track record of having a significant other at the time of weddings), and I had a fun person to attend the wedding with; someone who likes to drink, dance, and have a good time.

It may have been a bad decision because of something Molly said around my impressionable 14 year old cousin, Nick. My cousin Nick is like the little brother that I never had. He’s a lot of fun to be around, and he doesn’t care when I pick on him (I never had a younger brother or someone to pick on growing up, so he fills that void). Nick also looks up to me, so I obviously don’t like to embarrass myself around him. You know, that “I have to set a good example” bullshit.

That’s why I’m lucky that there were no long term effects from when my date to the wedding (Molly) called me a “gaytard” right in front of him.

I’m not sure what we were talking about, or what the background was behind her calling me such a hilarious name (seriously, gaytard is genius. It’s calling me both a homosexual and a retarded person… it’s two insults into one, a nearly crippling insult to recover from), but I do remember Nick’s reaction.

He thought it was the funniest thing he has ever heard in his life! He repeated it every 5 minutes, and told me that he was going to call me that for the rest of my life! Naturally, I told him I’d kick his ass if he called me that again, but he saw through my idle threats and called me a gaytard for what seemed like an eternity!

Simple exchanges like “Hey nick, get me a beer” (Nick and I have an arrangement where he is required to get me a beer every time I ask him), became complicated with him saying “no, gaytard” or even “sure, gaytard”.

The night couldn’t end soon enough! Even worse than that, the long-term implications of the nickname seemed to be even worse. There was the potential that my little cousin would be calling me a gaytard for the rest of my life, thus shifting the balance of our big cousin/little cousin friendship.

Luckily, Nick forgot about the entire gaytard incident the next time I saw him, and the power balance was restored in my favor.

2) Where did Molly go?

While I was visiting Molly in Chicago last year, we went out partying and she showed me around the town (well, around the Lincoln Park and Wrigleyville areas). We had a great time drinking, dancing and staying out late (some bars are open til 4 AM in Chicago). When we got done with the bar, we all wandered back to her place to go to sleep, presumably in a bed or on a couch.

I guess Molly had a different idea.

I was visiting Chicago with Bill, and we were both staying on the couch at Molly’s place. Before we went to bed, we both decided to brush our teeth and that other stuff. His stuff was located in Molly’s downstairs bathroom, which was open, so he was able to go in, do his thing, and go to sleep. My stuff was located in the upstairs bathroom, so I presumed that I’d be able to do the same thing.

It wasn’t that easy. Some jerk was in the bathroom for like 25 minutes! I had to pee really badly, and after drinking all night, I was short on patience. Still, I sat outside the bathroom waiting, hoping the door would open shortly. It never opened!

Finally, I decided that I couldn’t wait any longer, and I knocked on the door. No response.

Knock again. No response.

So I decided to open the door and see what was going on.

To my delight (or dismay), there was Molly Walsh, with her pants around her ankles, sleeping on the toilet!

Well, I’m not sure if she was actually “sleeping”, it was more like she was passed out.

So, being the good friend that I am, I woke her up and told her to go to her real bed.

Too bad I didn’t have my camera, though, because that would have been a GREAT photo-op!

1) The best day of Molly’s life

Molly Walsh and I on the best day of Molly's life When we were seniors in college, I had a party at my apartment near the Mississippi river in St. Paul to celebrate the “Spring Fling” dance that was to be held later that evening. It was a great party! We had about 20-30 people over drinking beer from a keg, playing Frisbee, socializing, grilling and having a great time. The weather was perfect; around 75-80 degrees and sunny.

All in all, it was a great day, but I wouldn’t go as far as saying it was the best day of my life. No, the “best day of my life” declaration was reserved for Molly, who would make that statement later in the afternoon… and it’s how she got there that makes this my #1 Molly Walsh story.

As I described before, the day was beautiful. In addition to the beautiful day, many of our best friends were gathered in one place, and there were copious amounts of beer involved. Maybe it was the sun, or maybe it was the beer, or maybe it was just the feeling of culmination stemming from this being our senior year in college, but the moment seemed to bring Molly to the point of tears.

At some point in time, in between the beer, the sun, the Cheddarwursts and Frisbee, Molly got very emotional. Emotional to the point where she started crying. Naturally, the rest of the partygoers became concerned, as there was no reason for tears at this momentous occasion. I asked Molly what was wrong, and she responded “I’m just having such a good time! this is just… THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE”.

No, Molly’s tears weren’t of pain or heartbreak. They weren’t tears of fear or remorse. They were tears of joy, and they were symbolic of the best day of her life.

Molly passed out a few minutes later.

About Jeff Sauer

I started blogging in the year 2000, and go in spurts of inspiration followed by long dormancy. I love writing, and your comments keep me going, so comment!

Check out my Google Profile.


  1. i was lucky enough to be part of the greatest day of molly’s life…however i think it was more than a few moments that she passed out after declaring the greatest day of her life. IN FACT…erin and i (her roommates at the time) had to deal with the never ending tears until probably late in the evening of the dance b/c everything that happened, every person she saw she got even more and more emotional! However…it’s also probably my favorite walsh story…so thanks for sharing!

    Love You Mary and I will miss you like crazy!! Keep in touch…My Space or DIE! 😉

  2. Molly Walsh says:

    Ahhhh, Gaytard….thanks for the love! I will miss you all so much. Remember to save your diseases for me so you can get some special Dr. Walshy2848 treatment!

  3. Jeff, thanks for the memories. I am going to miss my Walshy!! My favorite one is definitely the “best day of Molly’s life”. Good times.

  4. I laughed my ass off! Only those who know Walsh aka 2848 will truely appreciate these stories…yes she has touched many

  5. Hi..I don’t even know you guys but happened across this site. I thought the stories were great and Im sorry that I never had the opportunity to meet Molly..she sounds great!


  1. jjpkc417 says:

    So long Molly Walsh…