Brief Nudity (BN). Noun.

Definition:

• The story of my young adulthood; two words responsible for hours of absent-minded movie watching.
• The sun shining through the clouds on an otherwise cloudy TV day.
• Often the only redeeming quality of a low-budget “B movie”.
• The real reason why people subscribe to HBO.

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Does turkey really have anything to do with the success of Thanksgiving?

My vote is no. In fact, I find the entire turkey component of Thanksgiving to be completely arbitrary.

In it’s original form, Thanksgiving was held by Pilgrims to celebrate a bountiful harvest. A celebration of gathered vegetables; turkey may or may not have been present. Thanksgiving has since evolved into one of the most underrated holidays around. It is filled with food, family, and football, and the only expectation people carry with the holiday is that they eat as much as they possibly can. It’s a symbol of a 4-day weekend of freedom. A time to tie up loose ends, and for family to be together. All in all, it’s a pretty swell occasion.

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From Wikipedia:

Moore’s law is the empirical observation that at our rate of technological development, the complexity of an integrated circuit, with respect to minimum component cost will double in about 24 months.

This is something I learned in computer science classes, and always fascinated me. Basically, you can count on the speed of computer processors doubling every 18-24 months, and the associated production costs being reduced dramatically. So, you, the end user can count on the power of your computer being doubled every 18 months. This is why I always recommend that people get new computers after 2-3 years (those of you with 5 year old computers and say ‘it works just fine for what I do’ are morons and don’t ever call me with a computer question again. EVER!), as well as why you can get computers nowadays for dirt cheap!

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I watched a news story last night on Fox 9 news, exposing underage drinking on the Gophers hockey team. It was so friggin stupid. I decided to write something to them, but I figured they were already getting a lot of hate mail. So, I decided to use a “kill them with kindness” approach. Here is what I came up with:

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From crack to cigarettes, heroin to Hershey kisses, gambling to “girl on girl” action, vices to video games and many stops in between, addictions are as American as apple pie and NASCAR. With the invention of the Internet, newsgroups, and email, it has become easier for people to find help in coping with their own personal addictions. With support groups numbered in the millions, it is rare to find an addiction without a network for support. One of these rarities is support for a substance that until recently had never been considered addictive. We are talking about the newest addition to addiction; the almighty chip.

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Apparently I didn’t remember a minute detail when I dressed myself this morning.  It wasn’t until I was sitting at my desk when I noticed a pleasant breeze over my nether regions.  Looking down, I noticed I had an excellent view of my boxer briefs.  Now, if I wasn’t sitting at work, this would have been of little concern.  In fact, I may have done nothing to correct this problem, due to it’s uninhibited nature.  However, I wouldn’t be able to hide under my desk all day, so I knew I had to do something about it.  I a few minutes for a co-worker to arrive and told her that my pants today had a tear in a place that was “work inappropriate”.  After a solid laugh, I asked her to back me up while I went home.  Then I went to inform my boss of my “wardrobe malfunction”.  Apparently, he overheard my previous conversation, because he started laughing at me and said “get out of here”.  Needless to say, I promptly drove home for a change in attire.

You know what I hate? I hate the semi retarded kid down the street. You know what I mean, you’re growing up, you have the kids you play sports with, football, basketball, baseball, having the time of your life. Your whole neighborhood is a bunch of normal boys who just want to play some sports. I mean, I crapped sports as a kid. Well, there was always one kid in the neighborhood who didn’t share the same interests as the majority. He was more interested in helping his mom knit sweaters than playing tackle football. He’d rather cross stitch than swing a bat. Yes, this is the semi retarded kid down the street. All of the kids in the neighborhood hated him, all of the parents loved him. You’d avoid him like the plague by coming up with elaborate plans to ditch the degenerate. You’d ride away on your bikes on purpose. You’d tell him to meet you somewhere and go to another place. When he finally did catch up to you, you’d ask him “have you ever played smear the queer?” and then say “here, hold this football”. It made for hours of fun… at least until bones were broken.

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Random Thoughts on Chipotle:

The Burrito Nazi (the guy who takes orders at chipotle) bears a striking resemblance to “Every Day Eddie” Guardado, closer for your very own MN Twins.

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Out with pity and self loathing, in with positivity and love. Yes, that’s my prediction for the future of rock music, and popular music as a whole. Over the past few years there has been such an influx of negativity seeping into our radio waves that we are becoming overwhelmed with hatred, and forgetting what music is all about. Fueled by the misplaced angst of misguided youth, propelled by a nation of test tube babies and working mothers, and made concrete by insecure people making others insecure by securing their own insecurities, rock music has endured a downward spiral, and desperately needs someone to put a stick in between it’s spokes. We need to get rid of the “Disturbed” attitude, and replace it with something more worthwhile. (Continue Reading This Story )

This story stems back to my freshman year in college, spring semester. The hot movie out at the time was Romeo Must Die, starring Jet Li, and Aaliyah. It also featured a teriffic cameo from rapper DMX, how compelling his performance really was, I will relay to you now.

Ok, so the setting is Freshman year. The main players in this story were myself, Pelkey, and Andy. It was a friday night, and we had nothing to do. So we decided to go to see a midnight showing of Romeo Must Die at the Mall of America. So we go there, and we pay for the tickets, and go into a packed theater. Let me describe the demographics of this theater. First off, let me say this. I am a white boy. I have even been called a “sorry ass white boy” before (in 8th grade traveling basketball, a kid called me that).

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