From crack to cigarettes, heroin to Hershey kisses, gambling to “girl on girl” action, vices to video games and many stops in between, addictions are as American as apple pie and NASCAR. With the invention of the Internet, newsgroups, and email, it has become easier for people to find help in coping with their own personal addictions. With support groups numbered in the millions, it is rare to find an addiction without a network for support. One of these rarities is support for a substance that until recently had never been considered addictive. We are talking about the newest addition to addiction; the almighty chip.

Meet Brandon Smith*, a quiet, unassuming man with a heart of gold, and a stomach full of Frito Lay products. For the past several years, Brandon has been struggling with an addiction that most people find it hard to understand and even harder to respect; Smith has gone through life dealing with an addiction to chips.

*To protect all parties involved, our chip-addicted interviewee has stated his desire to remain anonymous. Out of respect for anonymity, we will refer to our addict as “Brandon Smith.”

Though it may not come across as a difficult addiction to face, Smith says that his addiction controls nearly every aspect of his day-to-day life. What makes things more difficult for Smith is the fact that he is constantly bombarded by people who poke fun at his unnatural affinity for chips. “Nobody respects my chip addiction,” said Smith who admits to attending self help groups in an effort to quell his addiction. He soon found out that not all addictions are treated with the same level of respect “I attended a few support groups at the local community college. It seemed to be going well until it came my turn to speak to the group. I introduced myself as Brandon, and stated that I was a ‘chipaholic’. After a short pause, the entire support group broke out in laughter.

Based on the results of his less than successful venture into support groups, Smith decided to take matters into his own hands and research his addiction himself. The local library, the Internet, and a tour of the Frito Lay factory all contributed to Smith’s researching campaign. The ensuing results were staggering; it turns out that Smith attributes his addiction to several factors; some carrying more weight than others. As he puts it, “while studying my addiction, I took several approaches. I was able to determine that my addiction can be broken down into the following categories: substances, processes, upbringing, and advertising.” The casual observer may wonder who would actually go through such an extensive process to determine why they are addicted to something so trivial; but the answer is that Smith isn’t an average person. He is a below-average person with way too much time on his hands; much like the author of this article.

The first two factors that Smith attributes to his addiction are textbook descriptors for addictions. As you probably learned in Sociology 101, most addictions come in two forms; substance and process. Substance addictions generally include chemical use (i.e. Drugs, Alcohol, and Cigarettes). Process addictions occur when a person becomes addicted to activities or interactions (i.e. gambling, sex [not really sure if this is truly a process addiction, but it’s a perfect opportunity for the author to give a ‘shout out’ to sex addicts out there. Call me!], and eating disorders). During Smith’s research, he was able to determine that textbook addiction descriptions only represented mere kindling on the fire that was his addiction.

Smith’s condition can hardly be labeled a “substance” addiction. In fact, it would be nearly impossible to attain such a label, given the variety of substances used to make chips. Would he be addicted solely to the luscious Idaho russets that compose a bag of potato chips? Could he only establish that he is addicted to the “Maiz del dios” that goes into corn chips? Smith simply answers “my love for the chip is indiscriminate. I am an equal opportunity addict.” Well put.

More accurately, Smith’s affliction could be process addiction. The mere act of reaching into a bag of chips and pulling out a “peeled potato prize” makes Smith feel alive. Judging from the firmness of his biceps, this reporter would have to agree; Smith’s chip addiction has turned him into a well tuned machine. Of course, it wasn’t always this easy. In 2001, Smith had to sit out an entire chip eating season as a result of a torn ulnar collateral ligament. This repetitive stress injury almost ended Smith’s ability to eat chips as he knew it. In an effort to regain his previous eating form, and even possibly improve his eating rate, Smith opted for a surgery normally reserved for Baseball players. Yes, Smith went under the knife for a procedure commonly referred to as “Tommy John Surgery.”

It didn’t take long for Smith to recover from the surgery, which was a complete success. In fact, the incredible rate in which Smith was now able to eat chips lead him to believe that his chip eating was most certainly a process addiction. However, it did not take long for that theory to be derailed.

The majority of conventional addicts have difficulties pointing out exactly when their addictions took over; they say it was gradual process. This was not the case for Smith. While embarking on his research campaign, Smith uncovered a major clue of his chip identity. After consulting with a world renowned psychiatrist, Smith decided to undergo hypnosis in order to see if his addiction was a result of his genetic makeup, or his upbringing. The results of the hypnosis were astonishing. The hypnosis turned up several clues as to why Smith was such a blatant chipaholic.

First, the hypnosis was able to determine the exact moment Smith became addicted to chips. The details are fuzzy, but the hypnosis determined that Smith’s addiction began with an unfortunate incident he had with a “Mr. Potato Head” doll.

Hypnosis contributed several other interesting tidbits of insight into Smith’s addiction.

As a toddler, it turns out that Smith offended his grandparents in an inadvertent way. While listening to some classic Fred Astaire songs, young Brandon let his hunger get the best of him. In the middle of the chorus to “let’s call the whole thing off,” Smith decided to make up his own words, which did not go over well with the Grandparents Smith. You say potato, “I say give me some goddamn potato chips.”

Smith’s chip fixation continued through adolescence, when former Vice President Dan Quayle misspelled the word “potatoe” on national television. A concerned pre-teen at the time, he found himself glued to the TV screen. Smith was not focused on the fact that the word had been misspelled, but rather daydreaming about potato chips.

In 1993, the popular phrase was “all that… plus a bag of chips.” Smith took these words to heart, set out on a personal quest to find something that was indeed “all that,” in a valiant attempt to find the prize that he was seeking; a coveted bag of chips. When his quest turned fruitless, Smith couldn’t help by be disappointed. In fact, the mere mention of the year 1993 in this article brought Smith to tears.

In the year 2000, Smith wrote a letter to clothing manufacturer Old Navy. The letter addressed Smith’s concern over the size of the pockets in his cargo pants. “The release of Cargo pants coincided with Frito-Lay introducing their ‘big grab’ line of chips. I was ecstatic at the release of both products, up until the point that I tried to use them at the same time,” said Smith “it wasn’t until I tried to place the big grab into my cargo pants that I realized that my bag of chips didn’t quite fit. I immediately wrote a letter to the CEO of Old Navy and gave them a piece of my mind.”

As you can see from Smith’s extensive history of addiction, the seeds have been laid for his addiction to be explained through process addiction as well as his upbringing. The lone topic that we have yet to discuss is the effect that advertising has had on Smith’s addiction.

The advertising industry has not done much for Smith’s self esteem. Most of you reading this article are able to recite jingles for your favorite snack foods. An effective advertising jingle can have an effect on a consumer for several years after its inception. For example, ‘Once you pop, you can’t stop,’ is an easily likeable and recognizable slogan for Pringles brand chips. This slogan has been used for several years, and is well liked by the majority of consumers. Brandon Smith feels differently. In reference to the “you can’t stop” campaign put on by Pringles, Smith said “that is the catch phrase for the hell that is my life.”

Even though Smith considers the tactics used by major advertisers to be “unfair marketing practices,” he begrudgingly admits that he once considered an advertising major in college. Luckily, his interest in advertising never came to fruition; it would have been too great of a conflict of interest. Smith had trouble dealing with the uncertainty surrounding majoring in advertising; what if he was assigned to an advertising account with chips? Smith’s final decision rested in the Lays potato chips campaign of “Nobody can have just one.” Whereas most consumers consider this a very strong advertising slogan, Smith feels differently. He cites the Lays campaign as “symbolic of my personal struggle and inner-aloneness.”

We have been able to narrow Smith’s addiction down into several possible causes. All of these explanations have their merits, and a piece of them are all present in Smith’s addiction. What has been left unsolved is whether or not this addiction should be respected among others. Maybe it is a real addiction. Most likely, it is not. With the ever-expanding world of Internet support groups, only time will tell.