I’m Buying A New Car!

I decided to buy a new car.

Check it out. A 2008 Infiniti G37 Coupe.


Pretty. Freaking. Sweet.

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An Update of Sorts

So technologically speaking, I have been feeling sorry for myself a lot lately. I haven’t been posting on here very often, I have been extremely busy with work, and I have been falling behind with work for my clients. My whole plan for the summer was to work less and enjoy the awesome summers of Minnesota. I have not lived up to that plan!

To go along with my present work overload, I had some very unfortunate events happen with my computer. First, the hard drive on my laptop crashed this weekend, and I lost about 6 months worth of work files, pictures and other media! That’s a really really really bad thing! My computer is my life, and having my hard drive crash is devastating to say the least! To top that off, I have a stupid iPhone and somehow that stopped working as well, and I lost all of my phone numbers and email addresses!!!! From a technological standpoint, life pretty much sucks right now.

On the bright side, I have a wonderful girlfriend who is supporting me through all of this, and I did have a lot of my vital data backed up on my computer. So, although the crash has killed my productivity over the past week, it could be worse.

Then I turned on the news tonight, and all of my problems came into perspective. As I’m sure all of you already know, a bridge on Interstate 35W collapsed right over the Mississippi river, and several cars were plunged into the water and onto the ground below. I have been glued to the news ever since (it happened less than 2 hours ago), and I just can’t believe what happened.

I also am thankful that I was not involved, because this is a road that I travel 3-4 times a week! It is my main entry point to Minneapolis and the south Twin Cities area (one of the only roads that I can take to get around town), and now it is gone! Since it just happened so suddenly, I have no idea if there are any casualties or how many people are injured. I have called several of my friends to see if they are OK, and so far I think that things are fine.

It will take some time for things to settle down from this crazy incident, but I know one thing; it really puts my petty problems into perspective.

1337 $p3@k (Elite Speak)

I’m not sure how this post will turn out, but I thought it would be fun to talk to you about a language I have picked up gradually during my life. The language is called l33t sp3@k (elite speak in English) and is the universal language of all people who are 1337!

What is 1337 you ask? That is a good question. I’ll start with my personal definition, and then send you a link to Wikipedia so that you can read the official definition (likely written by some guy in his underwear in ‘Jersey).

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I suck at growing facial hair

My facial hair at 5 daysI guess it’s something that’s out of my control, but I just thought I’d let you all know that I pretty much can’t grow facial hair. Well, I guess that’s not fully true. I can grow hair on my face, but it’s not very visible. I’m writing this post right now because I am at the peak of my most unshaven point in my adult life. Yes, I haven’t shaven for 5 days.

This is the longest that I have gone without shaving since I’ve been an adult, although I’m sure that you probably wouldn’t notice, even after looking at the picture on the right hand side of your screen. This picture was taken today, right before I started writing this post, and it is the inspiration for my rant. The last time that I shaved was on Saturday. Today is Wednesday, and this is all the facial hair growth that I could muster. That’s 5 days of unadulterated growth, and I still look like a man envious of a 13 year old Mexican boy!

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My shirt smells like Cilantro

My Old Chicago ShirtI just put on a shirt today that I haven’t worn in a long time. In fact, I’ve probably only worn it twice in my life. It is an Old Chicago Spring Mini-Tour t-shirt from 2005. Here’s a shot of me wearing the shirt that I took on my webcam. For some reason my webcam takes really crappy still pictures, but good videos. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Anyway, so I put the shirt on and noticed the smell of cilantro shortly thereafter. I thought maybe it was just something that I smelled in passing, but the smell lingered for the next 5-10 minutes. Finally, I decided to smell my shirt to see if it was the culprit, and sure enough; my shirt smells like cilantro.

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Wedding Speech

My brother Brian married his high school sweetheart Michelle in April of 2004. I was their best man. In order to celebrate their two year anniversary, I am posting the “best man” speech I gave at their wedding.

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Credit Card Debt Free

Revolving Debt. That is the defeatist term commonly assigned to credit card debt. For good reason, too, as Credit Card debt is something that is very easy to succumb to, and a tough cycle to break.

We all know how we get there. We figure why wait to save money for possessions when you can have them immediately? Why spend your own money on groceries, when you can spend the money of Chase Manhattan Bank? I’ll take extra guacamole on that Chipotle; after all, it’s going on US Bank’s tab!

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I believe

I believe that every individual is the center of the universe, only some universes are more relevant than others.

I believe that women should throw themselves at me for accomplishing the most trivial of tasks. In this scenario, making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich would lead to an extensive making out and heavy petting session.

I believe that the song “happy birthday” has the deepest lyrics of any song dealing with birthdays.

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Revenge at the Trough

You may recall my previous story “Stage Fright at the Trough“. In this story, I detailed my difficulties performing “#1” into a gigantic trough at a Minnesota Vikings game. You surely found it hilarious, because my writing is just that: hilarious!

Self-Promotion aside, the reason for my writing today is to tell you about my experiences at another trough, which yielded a much more positive outcome. Yes, I am going to detail my experiences at a Minnesota Timberwolves game where I gained my revenge at the trough.

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Serious Response to Obvious SPAM Email

Subject: You want to measure your penis but it is afraid of the ruler.
From: bear_71
To: theman@jeffsauer.com

Are you tired of staring at Playboy trying to cause erection?

Trust us; it’s s0 much easier and faster with our Viagra Soft Tabs. With our new Viagra Soft Tabs you will be able to open a bottle of beer with your penis. She thinks you are perfect and a wonderful choice for her.

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