Category: Random

I suck at growing facial hair

I guess it's something that's out of my control, but I just thought I'd let you all know that I pretty much can't grow facial hair. Well, I guess that's not fully true. I can grow hair on ...

My shirt smells like Cilantro

I just put on a shirt today that I haven't worn in a long time. In fact, I've probably only worn it twice in my life. It is an Old Chicago Spring Mini-Tour t-shirt from 2005. Here's ...

Wedding Speech

My brother Brian married his high school sweetheart Michelle in April of 2004. I was their best man. In order to celebrate their two year anniversary, I am posting the "best man" speech I gave at their wedding. I ...

Credit Card Debt Free

Revolving Debt. That is the defeatist term commonly assigned to credit card debt. For good reason, too, as Credit Card debt is something that is very easy to succumb to, and a tough cycle to break. We all know ...

I believe

I believe that every individual is the center of the universe, only some universes are more relevant than others. I believe that women should throw themselves at me for accomplishing the most trivial of tasks. In this scenario, making a ...

Revenge at the Trough

You may recall my previous story "Stage Fright at the Trough". In this story, I detailed my difficulties performing "#1" into a gigantic trough at a Minnesota Vikings game. You surely found it hilarious, because my writing is ...

Serious Response to Obvious SPAM Email

Subject: You want to measure your penis but it is afraid of the ruler. From: bear_71 To: theman@jeffsauer.com Are you tired of staring at Playboy trying to cause erection? Trust us; it’s s0 much easier and faster with our Viagra Soft Tabs. With our ...

Stage Fright at the Trough

I recently had the opportunity to attend a Minnesota Vikings game at the Metrodome. Such a lovely venue for sporting events (obviously sarcasm, since the Metrodome is the worst stadium in the country). The Metrodome is a ...

Reindeer Run

On Saturday, December 3, 2005, I am participating in my first ever race. While it's not a very competetive race, and it's not a long distance, I'm excited to be doing something constructive. It is called the Reindeer ...

Our first date

Finally we're alone. The moment is simply magical. We're five minutes into our first date, and I'm already smitten. Judging by your vibes, I can tell you feel the same way. My wit shines through with a well placed joke. ...