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Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Goes by the name of Mike Shields.
At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. See, this Shields, he called himself "Wingy".
Now, "Wingy" - there's a name no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about Shields that didn't make a whole lot of sense.
And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'.
See, they call Minneapolis the "City Of Lakes"; but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there.
'Course I ain't never been to London, and I ain't never seen France. And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says.
But I'll tell you what - after seeing Minneapolis, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin'
as you'd seen in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me.
Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place in the mid '00s - just about the time of our second conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis.
I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man.
And I'm talkin' about Wingy here - Mike Shields from Minneapolis. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place.
He fits right in there. And that's Shields. Wingy, from Minneapolis. And even if he's a lazy man - and Shields was most certainly that.
Quite possibly the laziest in all of Hennepin County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide.
Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough.
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For the first several pictures I had my camera on "scene mode", which means that the pictures turned out a little funky. I actually think it looks sort of cool, so I
included them on this page.
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Apparently even though Mike had about 100 of our closest friends at the Lodge, Mandy still wasn't satisfied. So, she got on
her trust Moto Razr and started texting the hell out of it.
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This is normally where I put a caption that says something like "I love Chris Bradley" and everyone thinks it's HILARIOUS! Well, I'm not going
to do that today folks. Nope, I'm not going to do it.
Ok, I caved
I love Chris Bradley!
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Baltz and Jen in scene mode. I made them retake this picture about 10 times until I figured out what I was doing.
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You know when you go to a party and one guy outdresses every other guy and exponentially decreases their chances of getting laid? Well, I'm not saying
Brandon did that with his sportcoat, but I will say that I had a cold, tear-filled end of the night. Next time you think about wearing a blazer to the
Lodge, Brandon, you better rememer to wear a nutcup as well.
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Amber and her Lodge crew (meaning these are girls that I have never seen other than in the context of accompanying Amber to the Lodge). Her crew is like
Wade's crew in "You Got Served" only on a much larger scale.
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Jen and Baltz in a normally colored picture.
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Cleavage.
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This is a picture is for the ladies. But fellas, you can look too.
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Make no mistake, everyone, Brandon Smith still has perfect hair.
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Liz's triumphant return to the Jeff Sauer Experience. Good to have you back!
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The Kirt's.
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Reno showing us his best "I'm going to get a girls number at the end of the night and ditch out on you so that you have to take a cab ride home alone" face.
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Thank you, Erika, for being hot. Also, thanks for your hot friends.
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The Klitzke's.
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You look extremely devious.
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Kraig's new dance: the fish.
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Kelly Wenner. If you think his eyes look messed up, that's because I tried to do a red-eye reduction in photoshop, and I'm pretty bad it.
His eyes now look like Scorption in Mortal Kombat. I don't expect you to get that reference (except for Weber who is nodding his head while reading this.
We saw Mortal Kombat twice together in the theaters.
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*No breasts were harmed (or fondled) during the shooting of this picture.
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That Skaff really tied the room together... and this dude pee'd on him!
The Skaff Pee'er is not the issue here!
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Vintage Moe. I don't know what that face is all about, but I like it!
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Carla is cute.
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Letnes telling the camera to "hang ten"... twice.
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I think Amber is taller than Moe.
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Brendan Finn. Drinking. Green Shirt. Sexy.
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Hey Nic - when they voted you most photogenic in your High School yearbook, they were making fun of you. Much like I am now.
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The Shields. Wednesdays, 8 PM on FX.
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The side of Tony Bennet's head.
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Troublemaker.
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I think Melissa is a very cool girl. Plus, she gets double points for allowing the Shields to go to the Lodge as often as he does.
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Jeff and Amber. (Jeff is the one who takes up 3/4 of the photograph).
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Cori Krebs - What a guy!
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What the hell is Bill covering his face for? What's that? Your theory is that Bill is covering his face because he's about to hold
up a gay bar? Why yes, I think you're right.
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A first person reinactment of punching Glass Joe from Mike Tyson's Punch Out!
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Honestly, I think that America needs a reality TV show covering Mike Shields and his trips to the Lodge.
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"I've never done this before!"
You look like a pro to me Mandy!
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This picture is too boring to caption.
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Amber = wasted! Just kidding, I think I just caught her by surprise.
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Me and my favorite body part, the Klitzke.
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