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At 9:23 AM on January 31, 2006, I received the following message from Molly Walsh: "I was hoping to convince you
folks to come to Chicago for St. Patty's day this year. The southside celebration (the fun one) is on March 12th,
which is a Sunday. If you came down you def. need to take the 13th off of work. I hope that with enough warning
maybe it is possible for you to come. I will be here....ready and waiting!!"
At 9:37 that very same day, I responded to Molly "I'm in". It took me 14 minutes to mull over the opportunity (well,
probably less than that.. I think I had a bathroom break in between) and come up with my decision.
To be honest, not much mulling was necessary. While opportunities to travel to the blessed land of Chicago occur quite frequently for me,
it's not often that I have the the opportunity to travel to Chicago AND attend a St. Patrick's day celebration in a predominantly Irish
neighborhood, drink all weekend, eat whatever I want, have an amazing time and then have an awkward ride home into a snow storm while
feeling my weight gain sink in as my flabby stomach caressed the seat belt ever so gently. Yes, this was an opportunity I had no intention of passing
up.
Others had the same idea as well. In fact, Molly invited 6 people, and 5 of those invitees attended the festivities. In addition, two more stragglers came as well,
giving us 7 people staying at Molly's place over the course of the weekend. Bill, Amber and I drove out to visit on Friday afternoon/night. Mandy and Brandon arrived
Saturday at noon. Nicole and Britt (actually named Annie, but she's a foreigner, and in our xenophobic way, we dubbed her "Britt", because she is British. I'm sure
she just loved the sight of us... just a bunch of unoriginal Xenophobes!).
We attempted to go to two parades, but we only made it to one (the South Side one), because we showed up too late for the parade downtown. We did get to see the
Chicago river in all of it's green glory.
The South Side parade on Sunday was a blast, minus the fact that getting out of there was a logistical nightmare. We set up shop at the Moriarty household and
they were very accommodating! Nothing like some good old fashioned Irish hospitality. We ate and drank like Kings and Queens.
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We arrived on Friday night and immediately proceeded to drink a lot of beers.
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Hello, my name is Molly, and I like to wear shirts that match the walls surrounding me. Sounds cool, doesn't it? Well, it's cool at first
but then quickly becomes annoying when she needs to change every time we leave the room!
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0 beers. "Hi, my name is Bill and I am shy. Tee hee. Oh my gosh, you're embarassing me!"
20 beers later. "give me that goddamn camera, we're taking some f'ing pictures!"
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Hello, my name is Klaus Umschlader Sauer, and I will be your Uber-EuroTrash-Metrosexual
tour guide for the evening.
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Tom took this picture. He's a "photographer". Apparently in order to be a photographer, you need to take pictures of still life and crap like that. Also,
you can't take pictures of your private parts and say "I'll show you some still life". I learned that second one the hard way!
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Spreading the goodwill of Summit to the boys and girls of the 2nd city. Bill and I brought a 12 pack and assumed it would last the entire weekend.
It lasted less than 2 hours on the first night.
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A candid picture of Bill. I may be taking liberties here, but I bet he often makes this face when he is behind closed doors.
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Fun with Can Coozies. "Don't flatter yourself, I was looking at your friend". TRUE THAT!
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A cameo by Katie Savage. I've been to Chicago 4 times in the last 1.5 years. I have seen her a total of 11.5 minutes during that span.
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Erica making her now famous "I can't believe these bastards are making me drink Old Style" face.
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Tom doing some kind of "raise the roof" motion with his arms.
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Your first glimpse at the lovely Britt (aka Annie, aka Annalee).
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Mike Gallagher, modest leader of a band called "Mike G 3"... egomania aside, they are quite good!
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A close up of the lovely Mary Walsh.
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The Gallagher family gang-sign. Which is surprising, because I had already convinced myself that it would involve
a Watermelon and a giant mallet.
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Pose #18589 of Tom doing some stupid motion with his arms. You think I put a lot of them on this site?
Well, there were about 500 more that I omitted.
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Molly is going to eat the British girl!
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I am about to eat a gigantic Hamburger.
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Tom has a problem with getting drunk when he's violent... When he gets busted for domestic violence for the first time, this picture will serve as the
"I told you so" moment.
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Tom swears that he picked up his karate skills in Japan.
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Taking brotherly love to an uncomfortablly homoerotic level.
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When someone broke out the koosh ball, all hell broke loose.
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Koosh ball action shot. Is Bill throwing or catching?
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There is a Koosh in the air, and nobody seems to care! Who threw it? Who is catching it? Why is Bill covering his face?
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Nicole is absolutely pissed
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Action shot.
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This photo is titled "Koosh ball overexaggeration".
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I think Molly has finally met someone who compliments her perfectly. For example,
when Tom gets drunk, he loves Animals. When Molly gets drunk, she just falls down and/or breaks appendages.
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Passed out with a Guinea Pig and a Jesus Flask.
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Tom raises his hand in victory. Yes, there could only be one victor this evening, and it happened to be Mr. Gallagher.
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Molly?!? More like "Fall-y". Yes, Molly falls a lot. This picture was not posed. She actually fell over that table. She has lived in the house for over 2 years,
yet had no idea that there was a table in that location.
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Sights from our fantastic lunch at Bar Louie. This is my favorite eatery in the
Wrigleyville area. One time two years ago, I wore a "Bayside Tigers" t-shirt here, and the waitress was like "oh my god, I love that shirt... and even better,
I LOVE YOU." We had sex in the bathroom.
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A Wrigley Field mural at Bar Louie.
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"This is the man responsible for the Triangle offense. He brought 6 world championships to Chicago. My hero, Phil Jackson"
- Molly Walsh
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"If they can dye the river green today, why can't they dye it blue the other 364 days of the year?"
- The Fugitive
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El Rio Verde.
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A close up of the same green River.
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The green river is cool. But my giving the thumbs up in front of the green river? Now that's legendarily cool!
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Brandon was pissed for two reasons. 1) his shirt did not match the river. 2) he was not eating chips.
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I think that was the name of this place. It was in the Lincoln Park area, and had an awesome Irish celebration. It was not very busy at all, and had a full
bagpipe band, tons of drinks, a live band, and all kinds of Irish flare.
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Bill and I posing with the mascot. Two things here: 1) We had no idea where the guy was looking from, but this picture makes that very apparent. It
almost makes it freaky! 2) Bill's lips are white/purple. It looks like he just got done with an 8 ball of cocaine.
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Molly and her new best friend! I think she may get a job wearing one of those next year.
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Bill can't take a serious picture AND his lips still look ridiculous. Then again, my lips look like I am wearing lipstick...
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You make me want to go to Medieval times.
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A full-out Irish bagpipe band in the middle of the bar. To me, that was impressive!
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"Brandon abuses me!"
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Here are two shots taken on the walk back from O'Briens.
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Train Kids with Ninja Skills: Nick Schleder was here! Tofu Butt is also hilarious.
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Brandon is checking for any structural vulnerabilities in this building.
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After the bar, we decided to pregame (or is it post game) it with a case of Pabst. This made us tired.
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Not many guys can pull that can coozie off... Brandon is NOT one of them.
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"Just the girls"! And Brandon. What a douche!
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Mandy laughing histerically, combined with the British girl wondering "What does that cheeky lass find so humerous?"
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Molly has a long tongue. More on this later.
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On our way to a bar, Bill rode me bareback for an unspecified period of time. It was so funny that I had to put up two pictures.
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I give kickass piggy back rides!
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Brandon giving the Britt her first ever piggy back ride. Apparently, riding piggy back style is banned in the UK. I'm not really sure why.
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We tried to get Brandon to jump up on top, but he was afraid.
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On Saturday night, we went to some bar. It was pretty fun.
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Tom's shares a last name with the greatest comedian of all time, Gallagher. I wanted to make a joke referencing
the two, but I didn't want to say a joke he has heard 800,000 times already. Here is what I came up with:
"So, I bet with a surname like yours, you're naturally inclined to break a lot of stuff".
To which he responded:
"haha, you just said surname".
Not necessarily my desired result, but at least he laughed!
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While my original intention was to take a picture of Tom and Nicole playing pool, I felt naturally
gravitated toward the couple making out in the background.
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All it takes is a hat and Bill is instantly Irish.
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What is it that is upsetting you Nicole?
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My first real experience with Dunkin Donuts. They don't really have
Dunkin Donuts in Minnesota, so I haven't had many opportunites. I heard it was a good idea to dunk the donut in coffee. It wasn't!
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Box #1 of coffee from Dunkin Donuts. Coffee by the box, it's FANTASTIC!
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The act of "Dunkin" the Donuts in coffee... it sucked! Basically, it tasted like soggy coffee.
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With enough gawdy flare, anyone can look Irish. Here's the gang and myself trying to look
like we're from land o' green.
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I am an "OG" in the Irish Crips.
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Bill looks almost cartoonish in this picture. Of course, the cartoon character he best resembles is "Captain Douche".
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"So, you're telling me if I put my 'thing' in here, it'll make it bigger?" Well, I guess it can't hurt to try!
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Even with all of the flare, you can still tell I'm not very Irish. I'm way too tan!
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Always after me lucky charms.
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Fighting for the Irish Jihad.
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Green Bud Light... it tastes like a $5 bottle of Bud Light.
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It was so freaking cold that I had to use the handkerchief in order to keep warm while drinking cold keg beer. I look like
a matador... and my bull is large women. As much as I try to avoid them, they always get to me. I guess I am a bad matador!
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Eire and Jesus. Like peanut butter and Jelly... for alcoholics.
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Does two fisting beers make you twice as Irish?
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Molly on the L train wearing her Irish gear.
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Me and our beautiful host; Katie Moriarty!
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Here are the pictures of us doing stupid things.
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I love it when you pin me up against the wall of the weiner place. It's so f'ing romantic!
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"Does this make me look gay?" Among other things, yes.
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This is titled "sucking in the gut while taking a photo pretending my penis is a camera."
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Bill's eyes are closed. Mine are just squinty...
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A picture of all of us decked out in our Irish gear. Wait.. is that Japanese writing on Bill's shirt? Good one Billy.
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This is titled "Self portrait while walking back after running 5 blocks to take a picture of a parade float"
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The best picture of the weekend... and possibly the best in the history of this website.
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Picture title: "Getting hit on while waiting to use the port-o-potty".
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Hi, I'm Molly Walsh. Is there any way we can get a cab FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?!?
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Who's a hungry bird?
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Giving new meaning to "I like to keep Jesus close to me at all times".
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I made this girl take a picture with Bill and Tom because she was HOT! I told her that I wanted to take the
picture under the pretense that everyone was wearing shirts they bought from Target. I really just thought she was cute.
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These dogs look like bears!
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Mandy could easily pass for Irish.
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Thug ass irish boys.
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My Torso is a miller lite can! This works on so many levels.
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Pictures devoted to the undying love of everyone's favorite
two head monster: Mando/Brando.
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Oh my gosh, you're so cute that I can't stop gagging.
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My favorite nubian couple. That's Wrigley Field in the background.
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Brandon looks like he's exerting a little extra effort in order to pick Mando up. Maybe she shouldn't have
eaten 10 hot dogs!
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I took this picture! I will be saying that every 2 minutes at their wedding!
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That's Mandy's shoe. Brando LOVES Mandos shoes!
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If there's one thing that Brandon loves almost as much as Mandy, it's Hot Dogs. Actually, he even loves them more than Mandy some times.
For example, if the hot dog had chips on it. Or flaming hot cheetoh's.
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Through a sea of libations and hydrations, we catch a glimpse of our beautiful french friend; le Beaupre.
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The inaguration of Fat Tire in Chicago. Brandon was a little TOO excited for this one!
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Somehow, Bill wouldn't take a picture without the Britt, or vice versa.
Here are pictures of Hollywood's latest international super couple.
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Britt is plotting her revenge with a Koosh Ball.
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From Annie's point of view "I met the bloke on the L train, and he was looking right sexy.
I was particularly interested in snogging. He made me feel particularly randy, like
being a schoolgirl."
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Bill was complaining about gastrointestinal problems all night. I think he finally decided to "let it all out" in this picture.
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Britt caught wind of Bill's rectal plot, and tried to jump out the window of the bar!
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That's one strong British girl!
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We now bring you a series of crappy tattoos. These
tattoos were hand drawn by Nicole and the British girl. They are not good at art.
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At the beginning of the night, Nicole actually had a tattoo of a star (that wasn't filled in). At some point in the night, the star was filled in.
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This was supposed to say "Brandon", but Nicole didn't know how to spell Brandon. That was funny.
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British girls love guys with gigantic biceps... sorry Bill! Honestly, though, my arm is as big as Annie's head!
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A close-up of my right bicep. For some reason, Nicole thought you spelled my last name "Saur". WRONG! But I must admit, it felt so right
when she was doing it...
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Chickie! I think that this picture speaks for itself.
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This section is devoted to the surprising number of
people caught via photograph licking each other this weekend.
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We start off with Brandon licking Bill's ear. Nobody knows why he is doing this!
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Next, I'm likcing Brandon's hat. Nobody knows why I'm doing this either!
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Nicole licking my nipples. EVERYBODY knows why she's doing this!
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Molly has a huge freaking tongue! I was going to write another comment, but that tongue is huge!
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On the South Side of Chicago, there is a fierce competition to become
the next Sheriff. My vote is with Tom Dart!
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Tom Dart is my dogg! I hope he wins... actually I will not stop until he wins! I am going to spread rumors about the competition.
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Richard Remus is NOT RIGHT FOR THIS TOWN. Whatever you do, DO NOT VOTE FOR RICHARD REMUS!!!! HE KICKS DOGS! HE ONLY TIPS 5%!
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We caught about 3 minutes of the south side parade.
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I wish I could have been on this float. I would have made it even more cool than it already was.
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I ran about 5 blocks down the road in order to get a clear picture of this drum. In case you can't read, it says "Midlothian Pipe Band". Well,
I thought that was cool, since I live on Midlothian Rd. I had to get a picture!
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