My Grandparents have been married for 60 Years, and this past Sunday my Grandpa was asked to MC/Speak at the party.  The speech went over very well.  Everyone laughed when I had hoped they would (and sometimes when I didn’t expect it) and I got a little emotional at the end… and from what I hear, there weren’t many dry eyes in the audience.  Thought I’d post it on here in case anyone wanted to read about my awesome grandparents.

Hello, my name is Jeff Sauer, Grandson of Norb and Lenore, and welcome to our celebration of 60 years of marriage between Lenore and Norby, or as we affectionately call them; Lenorby.

I will be your master of ceremonies for this event, and I hope that you’ll soon find that you are in good hands.  Grandpa chose me to host this event because he says I remind him of a young Bob Hope.

I have no idea what that means, but I am taking it as a compliment.

Enough about me.  The real reason why we are here is to celebrate the 60th wedding anniversary of Mr. and Mrs. Norbert T Koch.

60 years! 6 - 0.  That’s not a typo.  60 years!  That is a long time for two people to be together.  In fact, this type of longevity is almost unheard of in modern times.   This is a testament to their long lasting love and devotion.

To see how they made it this far, let me give you some insight into how things came to be.

Norbert Thomas Koch and Mary Lenore Lerioux had modest upbringings. Norb grew up in North Minneapolis, back in a time where it was safe to drive through the neighborhood with your windows down.  Lenore grew up in the town of Hamel, on a farm that is now a high school and a housing development.

Due to some unfortunate turns in life, Norb was tasked with helping to prove for his family from an early age.   In order to make ends meet, he had to make money in whatever way he could, including selling newspapers and shoveling sidewalks.     One can only assume that working at such an early age instilled him with a great work ethic, and the drive necessary to achieve his own financial independence.

Lenore was a farm girl, and still has the green thumb to prove it. Over the years I have heard many great stories about Grandma’s days on the farm, but I think my favorite is the story about when she took the truck for a spin with her sister Jeanette when grandma wasn’t yet a teenager.

When the time came, Norb served our country and defended the free world in the Second World War.  He was stationed in the Pacific and had one of the most dangerous positions in the entire Air Force.   Fortunately, he survived without a scratch and made it back stateside a true hero, armed with an arsenal of ambition and some great bedtime stories for his grandchildren.

Upon arrival back to the states, Grandpa enrolled in college at the University of Minnesota, where he played baseball while completing his college degree.   It was through baseball that Norb fatefully met Lenore, and it was through persistence that Grandma finally let him take her out on a date.   After some time of courtship, they were married.

Grandpa sold life insurance and made quite a living for himself.   I would go into details of individual deals and the perseverance involved with making it in the life insurance business, but I don’t want to put everyone to sleep.  While I have been blessed with the ability to find humor in everyday things, it’s almost impossible to keep a crowd excited when talking about Life Insurance.  I’m not a miracle worker here!

However, I do know first hand that Grandpa must have been really good at his profession, because he has a wealth of trophies corresponding to his various achievements.

• Salesman of the year - (13 times).
• President of the Minneapolis Association of Life Underwriters.
• The George Washington Founding Father of Modern Life Insurance Sales Lifetime Achievement Award. (OK, I made that one up)

You name it, and he’s got a trophy for it.  During his day, Norb was like the Arnold Palmer of insurance sales (or for the younger crowd, he was the Tiger Woods of his field).

Insurance aside, when you look at his trophy case, you’ll also notice that he was once the Tiger Woods of Minnesota Golf.  This guy has more trophies than I can count. There is so much bronze on his shelves that the only thing missing is a bronze statue of Norby himself!

Proving that they are meant to be together, Grandma has amassed herself quite a few trophies as well.  In fact, rumor has it that she can beat Grandpa on the links nowadays.  Both can shoot their age on the golf course, which I find quite impressive.   I would need to be in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s oldest man before I could ever accomplish that feat!

But their real trophies are their children, grandchildren and great grand children; all two hundred of us.  Well, maybe not 200, but there are quite a few descendants in the room today.  That’s what happens when you have 8 children!

Nowadays 8 children is nearly unheard of, but in their time, this was expected.  Much credit is due to their strong catholic upbringing as well as the fact that this all took place before the widespread use of contraceptives.

Catholicism also contributed to the naming of their 8 children.  Resulting in their children being named after miracles past.  Constance, Frances, Richard, Patricia, Theresa, Paul, Robert and Carol.  It’s like a who’s who of Sainthood.

Those 8 children yielded 21 grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren, which is a remarkable feat in itself.  Even more remarkable is how we have all grown up to be very well adjusted adults.  Being among the oldest of the cousins, I had the pleasure of seeing everyone grow up since they were in diapers.

In fact, it’s hard for me to imagine some of you out of diapers (especially you little Zachy).
Grandma and Grandpa are so proud of their grandchildren, always touting our accomplishments to anyone who would lend an ear, and constantly impressing their friends with a seemingly never ending string of A honor roll’s and sports trophies.

I didn’t fully realize the extent of how much they talked about us until I was in the 10th grade.   On the first day of school, I found myself sitting in science class with our teacher reading off the roster of students for our class.  He read through most of the alphabet without a hitch, and all was going well until he got to the S’s.  He took one look at my name, read it out loud and said “Jeff Sauer, hey, I know your grandparents! ”

Awkward!

I had no idea how to react to this.  How did this guy know my grandparents?  How did he know my first and last name if it wasn’t Koch?   Are people going to think I’m a nerd because of this?  There goes my shot at winning the high school popularity contest!  Being in 10th grade, the last thing that I wanted to be associated with is being the kid whose grandparents knew the teacher.  That’s like putting a gigantic “kick me” sign on my back for the rest of the year.

Embarrassment aside, I was also curious as to how the heck this guy would know my name and how he knew Lenorby.  It turns out that my teacher, was a waiter at a Chinese restaurant called the Pagoda.  My grandparents were regular customers of his for several years (we all know how loyal Lenorby are to Chinese food joints) and had been telling Roger about our achievements ever since we were in elementary school!  Knowing grandma and grandpa, I wasn’t surprised at all, but I WAS surprised that he knew who I was given the fact that I have a different last name!  Those must have been some in depth conversations at the Pagoda.

As you can see, it is obvious that Grandma and Grandpa love every one of their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.  Over the past 60 years they have instilled this love into everyone around them and they have served as a catalyst for all of our life’s achievements.

Like any long-term relationship, it takes work to keep things running smoothly on a day-to-day basis.  I’m not going to lie and say that everything has been good every step along the way, but the good far outweighs the bad, and overall the past 60 years have been great!

I am honored that I was given this opportunity to be the MC of this event.  I love my grandparents with all my heart, and they have instilled so many good qualities in me that I am a better person as a result.  My fathers’ parents passed away before I was born, so I have only known two grandparents in my life.  While nothing can take the place of two sets of grandparents, I feel you did everything you could to make up that gap for me.

Thank you for everything you have done.  I love you so much.  Happy 60th anniversary.

Love, your little Jeffy.

By the time we woke up on Thursday morning, the ship was already docked in Ketchikan. We only had a few hours in port, so we hastily got ready for the day and got off the ship as soon as possible. The ship was required to leave at 11:45 AM, so we wanted to make the most out of our short time in the city.

Ketchikan is a very unique city and I found it to be very beautiful as well. We were told that the city receives rain over 200 days a year, so it was surprising to see the sun while we were there. We also learned that the climate of Ketchikan is actually much warmer than Minnesota’s climate, that it rarely gets below 30 in the winter, and the summers are mild and not nearly as humid. I always thought Alaska would be much colder than Minnesota, but that’s not always the truth.

As soon as we got off the ship, we were once again greeted by several people trying to sell us day trips. Since we only had a limited amount of time in port, we decided to forgo an excursion and play things by ear for the day. My dad had heard about a lumberjack show that was taking place, and really wanted to go. I wasn’t too interested in going because it seemed like a ripoff ($36 for a one hour show… and the show went until 11:45 AM), but I caved when I realized there really weren’t many other options.

We had a few hours to kill before the show, so we walked around the town to see what it was all about. From what I heard, Ketchikan is a fishing village, and is actually the launching point for much of the deep sea fishing that takes place in Alaska. This definitely sounded accurate, as there were tons of boats in the harbor (to go along with the great views and photo ops).

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This morning we woke up bright and early for the scenery highlight of the cruise; Tracy Arm Fjord. We had been hearing about the beautiful Fjord ever since we first boarded the ship, and it did not disappoint.

The Tracy Arm Fjord was a very narrow passageway that was carved out by a glacier. Since it was carved out by a glacier, the Fjord was over 1000 feet deep, which allowed our ship to navigate the passages with no concerns of being in too shallow of waters. We were immediately greeted by some bright blue ice chunks. I can’t do them justice, so make sure to look at the photos throughout this post.

We sat out on our balcony and watched as the ship passed through the Fjord. It was freezing! However, the views were too great to pass up, so we ended up sitting on the balcony for several hours as we soaked in the beautiful scenery.

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Day 4 of the trip was Tuesday, and our port of call was Skagway. We actually pulled into port some time during the early morning, so by the time we woke up, we were already docked.

After getting ready, we left the ship to go on a hike that was an “unpublished” free excursion that took us a few miles out of Skagway. My dad had received an article about this potential excursion from his neighbor, who had ready about it in AARP magazine. Sounds like quite the workout if it comes from AARP (American Association for Retired People). That was sarcasm; it didn’t really sound like it would be too strenuous at all.

So we took off walking and looked for the trail just outside of town. We found it pretty easily and crossed a very cool foot bridge that overlooked a flowing river. From there, we started on a path to Yakutania Point, our intended destination. It was about a half a mile hike to the point, and we ended up getting there pretty easily.

The point was pretty cool, and I was able to get some good landscape shots from that point of view. There were several very smooth rocks that we had to climb over in order to get an unobstructed view of the water and the harbor where our ship was docked.

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Monday morning was our time to see whales. Dad and I woke up early and perched on our balcony the entire morning in search of some whales. We learned during the talk yesterday that this was one of our best chances to see whales during our cruise. That’s all we needed to hear, as dad and I got out our respective digital still cameras, dad’s HD Camcorder (1080i beeehotch), and some trusty binoculars.

We sat out there drinking coffee on and off for several hours, and I was the only one to see a whale (I saw two, but I mostly only saw the whale tails… and I’m not talking thong underwear). I was actually a little disappointed, because I was so focused on trying to get a photo of the whale that I didn’t even give myself a chance to appreciate the beauty in real life (thank god for photos!) We whale watched the rest of the morning (with a gluttonous stop at the breakfast buffet once again), and sat on the balcony up until the point the ship landed in Juneau for the day.

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Woke up pretty early Sunday morning, feeling very refreshed after the long travel day Saturday. Utilized the amazing on-board room service option to have some coffee and grapefruit to the room for an early morning pre-breakfast. Read on my computer for a little while and then got ready to go to the real breakfast.

Much like my other two on ship dining experiences, the breakfast buffet proved to be an excellent spread with several options. I ate a LOT. It was awesome. I tried to stick to foods that were natural (fruits, eggs, bacon, etc.) and not highly processed, and I would say I did a decent job. Still ate more than I should have.

After breakfast I went down to the casino again to see if I could still play blackjack. Turns out that I needed to wait until 10 AM. I went back to the room and chilled out a little bit and then eventually went down to the casino to test my luck. I didn’t fare nearly as well as the night before, losing $80 in about 25 minutes.

After lunch (I am not going to go into food details as much during the rest of this diary, otherwise this would turn into a food blog. If that’s what you want, you should check out my sisters Twin Cities Restaurant Blog, which kicks more ass than you could ever imagine. It is the Chuck Norris of Twin Cities area restaurant review blogs) my dad went and watched a guy speak about living on an Island in Alaska by himself. I watched the replay on TV later in the day, and it was very informative. He was like a real life version of the guy from Into the Wild (I suggest you watch this movie if you haven’t already) *spoiler alert* only he doesn’t die at the end. *end spoiler alert*

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Today is Saturday, May 31, and I am on my way to Alaska for a cruise with my dad, Jimbo. We have been talking about going on an Alaskan cruise for the past several years (since 2006 I believe) and this year we finally pulled the trigger and went through with it. Prior to this trip, my only real exposure to an Alaskan cruise was on that epic two-part episode of Baywatch where Mitch, Hobie and the gang took an Alaskan cruise. On that cruise, some murderous douchebag was on board the ship causing all sorts of ruckus, and Mitch had to come through and save the day. Of course, the Hoff did save the day, and continued his awesome performance record of delivering 10 times out of 10. Between me and my dad being on this boat, I think we have some serious Hasselhoff potential!

Leading up to this trip, I had told quite a few people about how I was going on Alaskan cruise with my dad. Their first reaction was “why isn’t your mom going?” I told them that it was because my mom, Franny, didn’t have any desire to go to Alaska and be cold all the time. This is quite true, and even though we reminded Franny that Alaska really isn’t much colder than Minnesota at this time of year, she wouldn’t budge.

The second reaction I received was for people to tell me to be prepared to see a TON of old people. They couldn’t have been more correct. More on this later, but let’s just say that on the demographics curve of this ship, I am an extreme outlier on the young axis.

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See part 1 here

I spend a lot of time on the web. Most of it is business related, but I do take time away to play. Here are some more of my favorite sites:

Site:

Stuff White People Like

Synopsis:

This site has gained a TON of momentum over the past several weeks, and rightfully so; it’s hilarious! Very insightful, yet ultimately self deprecating, Stuff White People Like is a blog that chronicles the nuances that go into the decision making process of the average white (and I would assume affluent, 25-45 year olds) person. Hilarity generally ensues. The writing isn’t particularly laugh out loud funny, but if you can have a sense of humor about yourself, it becomes hilarious as you begin to see bits and pieces of yourself in the writing.

Signature Post:

Most posts can be given signature status, but two recent posts really made me laugh out loud. The first is the post about the Wire, which is a great television show. This article easily could have been written about me. The second is about hating corporations. Since I’m not the biggest fan of corporations, this one fits me as well (although often for different reasons than outlined in the article).

Site:

Jake and Amir Dot Com

Synopsis:

One of the stupidest sites on the web, but I absolutely love it. Jake and Amir are two guys who work for College Humor. Every few days they post a video that’s about 1-3 minutes long, and it details Amir’s unhealthy man-crush on Jake. The videos are all a little odd, and make me laugh about 90% of the time. Not everyone will think this site is funny, but if you like the one I’m posting, chances are you’ll like them all.

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An old friend of mine, Dan, started a blog that reviews movies, and it’s really good! I’m not saying that because he is my friend (usually when my friends publish stuff, it sucks… kidding), I’m saying it because he’s really got some good movie reviews.

Normally, I don’t agree with movie reviews because they rigidly place emphasis on nit-picky crap that I don’t really care about. Dan does that too, but with one caveat; he’s FAIR with the way he grades and rates movies, and he makes an argument for each facet of his reviews. Unlike sites that lump reviews into a simplified and catch-all reviewing system of 4 or 5 stars, Getafilm actually puts thought into their reviews, and grades the film based on a 100 point rating system. The end result is a grade on a film that matches the American school grading system, from A (No country for Old Men) to F (Rambo).

I don’t actually watch movies in the theater (last movie I saw was Superbad, and before that Knocked up… I guess I’m subconciously a Judd Apatow fanboy), so I enjoy reading Dan’s reviews in order to get a heads up for which movies I should order on Netflix. Also, with Getafilm’s guidance, I can sound semi-educated when it comes to talking about the Academy Awards. Thanks to Dan, I know that Daniel Day Lewis is a lock for best actor, and Javier Bardem has supporting actor wrapped up. I’d tell you the rest of my Oscar picks, but they aren’t as cut and dry, but you can compete against my picks here.

I’ve known Dan since we played on the same basketball team in 3rd grade, and we’ve somehow remained friends in between his moves to Boston, San Diego and back to MN. His reviews are fair for the most part, and at times controversial. Help support an old friend by checking out his movie blog and if you like what you see, subscribe to his RSS feed!

Getafilm - Honestly good movie reviews

With great pride and joy, I would like to formally announce the newest notch on Jeff Sauer’s bedpost.

Last night I was out to dinner with my parents at Cody’s Roadhouse in the Tyrone mall near St. Petersburg, Florida. Wednesday night is 2 for 1 fajitas night, and we were on a mission to eat fajitas at a heavily discounted price! Apparently, so was the rest of Florida, because when we arrived at the joint (in its classy strip mall location), we were greeted by a 1 hour, 10 minute estimated wait time. Sifting through a sea of geriatrics, white trash with wispy stouches (my word for mustaches… it’s fun to say, and implies the person has a stache and is a douche, hence stouche), and all other kinds of depressing circus freaks, we had to decide whether or not it was worth waiting over an hour to get discounted fajitas. We ultimately decided yes and chose to wait it out in the bar area, and I am glad that we did.

That’s when I saw her. The prettiest darned thing I had ever seen in my life. The yin to my yang, the love of my life. I am now a believer in love at first sight. Every cliché about love and romance that I have ever read culminated in this one precious moment. Magically, the 70’s rock ballad “Dream Weaver” started playing in the background, and I glanced across the bar and saw my one and only. Amazingly, my parents were kind enough to document this moment with a photograph.

That’s not really what happened. As excited as it would make me to announce to you, blog readership, that I met and fell in love with this prune, I can’t tell that to you in good faith. But there is a story behind this blog post, oh yes, there is a story.

And that story may be even better than the prospects of locking lips with the Florida Raisin above.

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